Which Route Do We Take?

I'm starting this blog to journal our journey of bringing a child into our home. We are a gay male couple who have been together for 12 years and legally married for 3. A child is something we have both wanted, and dreamed about, but now more than ever we feel ready. I don't know why at this point in our life we finally feel ready, but we both want a child more than ever now. Maybe because I'm approaching 40 and feel like I'm running out of time and cant afford to wait any longer. Maybe we feel secure enough in our career and current lives that we feel primed to open our home. But whatever the reason may be, we know we are ready for this next stage in our life together. Anything involving children just goes right to my heart center. Seeing something cute like an outfit makes my eyes tear up, seeing children laughing and playing just warms my heart. And with shows like “Modern Family” and “The New Normal” on tv which show happy gay couples adopting and having children, it just seems more like a reality now.

The recent tragedy of the shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary in Connecticut has just rocked our nation. How could one young person, be so disturbed as to walk into a school and shoot 26 people including 20 small children ages 5 and 6. Not being a parent, I can't even imagine what parents are thinking and feeling. And not just the parents of the victims, but parents all around the world, who cant imagine that someone could do that. The fear they now feel for their own children, the sadness the world feels. It's just too much darkness to understand. I'm not a parent yet, but I feel it too. Ive cried over these tiny souls lost.

All of this seems sad, but it makes me realize that I am ready to be a parent. If I can feel all of this, and have all these emotions about children that I don’t even know, imagine the space I have in my heart for a child that will be my own.

So as 2012 closes, and we ring in the New Year in the next week or two, we look forward. We always choose a word that we want to embody our upcoming year as far as goals and our focus. Growth is our word for 2013. Growing his career, continuing to grow my fitness business, growing our home life, and growing our family with the addition of a child.

But where to begin? We considered surrogacy and thought having a biological child would be such an amazing experience. We actually had a friend offer to be our surrogate and expected nothing in return, but only if we moved back to DC to be near her during the pregnancy. Surrogacy is expensive if you go that route, which we don’t really have the means necessary right now to do that.

Another option we explored was fostering to adopt. I've talked to people who have done it and what an emotional roller coaster ride this options seems to be. Of course, its the main focus of the state to reunite the child with is biological parents, instead of placing it with a new family permanently. So these placements are more often than not temporary, although on occasion adoptions to come out of some of the placements. I understand wanting to keep the family together, and I'm all for that, I just don't know if I have a strong enough heart to watch a child and come and go from our family.

Adoption? This is a new one for us to start exploring. There are so many kids in the system and this seems like a realistic possibility for us. I always thought that adopting required so many fees etc, but I'm learning that adopting through the states is much easier and not as expensive.

I wanted to start this blog to not only document what we learn, and our journey to having a child, but to also offer answers to those who might be on the same path of us in the future. As I started researching our options, the information for a gay male couple wishing to adopt was few and far between. I know we are not the only couple out there that will want to have a child, so I'm hoping that our journey can eventually help others someday.

So right now we stand at what route can we take, and what is the most realistic option for us? Within the next year, our plan is to move into a bigger place that is more suited for having a small one running around. We know we would like a child somewhere around the age of 3-5, Matt wants a boy, and I want a girl. Maybe we will wind up with both? We are going to take the required parenting classes through the state for fostering and adoption and further explore our options from there.

 

2013 promises to bring lots of big things!